Loss of Power

Darryl Esq.

The crazy thing is, I was actually the one who suggested she pick that kid up! We're cruising towards Chicken, heading to meet some new boyfriends of Connie's, and she's wondering whether or not we can fit this friend of ours into the front of her truck. Quarters are kinda cramped, and this thing is a stick shift, but I confess I don't really mind the idea. I figure I can trust her. Now. Besides, when she told me about the guy we were gonna meet, some Kiwi from New Zealand, she couldn't get over how he kissed another Kiwi guy in public. I was sure she'd been good, like we'd worked out.

It was time for us, or getting near there anyway. She's not as young as she was six years ago when I first met her. And I'm not so trapped in my job as I was; after ten years of making it alone in the law, you can relax, let the clients come to you, even pick out the ones you want and the ones you don't. Things were starting to come together, she didn't have a boyfriend at the moment, and I, well Hell, I'd been faithful to the idea for quite some time.

Then she tells me she's gonna take off for Alaska. First thing I think is, you're not gonna get away! No excuses. I mean who'd you kill honey? I can get you off. No problems, I'm a big man in this town. Nowadays. But you can't try to talk Connie out of something, she'll just get mad, do it twice as hard, even if it does hurt her. So I was encouraging. Set them free and all of that.

Besides, I get to thinking, one last fling, let her play and then reel her in, just like good old fashioned bass fishing. So I tell her go right on ahead, I'll watch over her business for her, make sure those contracts get met. She's grateful. But then I tell her I'll join her after three weeks. Just for a little while, you know, when her trip's ending. When she's settled down. Maybe even when she's ready to hear a proposition.

It's the right idea. She's coming over to my place more often than ever. I'm helping her plan, where she'll go, gas, fuel. I help her buy the truck she's gonna take up and sell off up there. It's all going great, we kiss and a little more, but I've got it right, no pressure, just, you know, if you're gonna go a little crazy, think of me.

When I finally get up to see her, and brother you don't know what I thought during those weeks between, I mean Goddamn, my fingernail quicks got bitten to the quick. But anyway, that first night in Anchorage I didn't play it so smart. I wanted her all to myself, I'm worried about this soldier boy who gets too close to her dancing in a bar. I tell him about it. He creams me between sips. Connie comes to my rescue, but man, she's driving me to the hospital, wiping blood off my chin, and cursing me out every which way. Of course she's old enough to take care of herself, God knows I know, but sometimes she's needed to be protected, so I thought.... Anyway, who cares what I thought. It didn't work out, we need peace. And she needs to know I trust her. ‘Cause I do. Except when I think she's gonna do something stupid.

She wasn't real hot to the idea, a hitch-hiker. Until she saw him. Young, blonde, tall, sunburned, cute, and worst of all with a guitar. I'm thinking to myself that God simply does not love me. We pile into that truck; Connie driving, the kid perched over the gearshift, and myself squeezed against the passenger door. Great ride, I love his broad shoulders banging into my neck and back.

But anyway, we get to talking, and even better, it turns out this kid has traveled. All over, places I ain't never been and ain't never gonna go. He's just there getting enough money to head over to place next. Like other countries. He says he's going to Japan, I ask him if he figures they might need lawyers over there. He looks over and says "Only if they need practice at shooting on sight." Well Connie, she laughs and laughs. Thanks.

Anyway, I know not to debate when I'm gonna lose, a good lawyer knows the answers beforehand and all. So I let them talk. They talk music, about Nashville guitarists. They talk dance, Connie rolls up her shorts to show him this big bruise she got slamming. They talk about the car, Connie's reaching over every three four seconds to shift gears, finally starts resting her hand on his leg.

"It's okay, sweetie," she says. "Just that this old thing here's got a loss of power around curves. You know how it is."

"Sure," the kid answers, all calm and smiling. "Whatever." I'm ready to deck him but I feel his arms next to me and those puppies are big as life. Besides, if I piss Connie off, she'll probably kick me out of the car and leave me stuck in bull-fuck Alaska for a few days while she and Mr. Wilderness Adventure Boy go out to some secluded spot he knows where the grizzlies come up real close. So I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm collected. I know what to do:

I look at her real close with all the love I've got inside.

And of course Connie don't notice a damned thing. But that kid does, or so it seems. I swear I see him seeing me looking. So I try to look twice as hard. Just hoping he'll see me like a deer caught in his headlights. And maybe take pity and turn away.

But then when we stop for gas I hear him ask her, "Who the Hell is that guy?" And Connie just laughs and says something about an old friend. I'm thinking great, that's what I am.

I get smart, tell the kid a story I heard in England about getting picked up by a Rolls-Royce. He ain't buying. I try to be mean. He ain't listening. Then I give up and watch the two of them. The kid pulls out a tape, some new-fangled love song. Hard rock. Noise. Connie sighs and sings along.

Then Connie pulls out something that goes "I want to fuck you like an animal." We're driving down straight roads now, she don't have to shift. The power's come all the way back. Her hand's on the kids' leg still. I see it coming now, she's flooring it, ready. Must be doing eighty. She's got this look in her face, like a bob-cat, set to play. The kid yawns, stretches like a lion. Awful fierce.

I think of the kid. He ain't so bad, probably a real nice guy. I know it's been awhile. Even for someone cute like him, women, especially a woman like Connie, well it just ain't every day in Alaska. Take what you can get. Who gives a damn about the other guy. They do look pretty good together. It's nice to know your girl's still real attractive.

Then we get to Tok Junction and the kid asks to be dropped off there; best place to find a ride in the morning. I can't believe it. When he pulls his guitar out of the back, the kid smiles at me. Connie's just about to tears. She's never been turned down before. It's a new thing.

We're getting married in October.